Monday, August 30, 2010

In Which the Procrastinator Finds Inspiration

Lately I've been having dreams.

No, not that kind.... Well yes that kind but that's not what I'm talking about.

I've been having the kind of dreams that you fall asleep, see a story projected across your eyelids, and suddenly get thrown back into reality by the deafeningly loud voice of your mother repeatedly saying "Thea. Wake. Up."

The last part isn't exactly enjoyable, actually it's down right awful. But the middle part is amazing. It feels so real while it lasts. Even if it's totally the opposite of realistic, it seems realistic at the time. I love that saying from Inception that goes, "Dreams seem real when we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we notice something was actually weird."

Well said, Cobb, well said.

But dreams also make me realize stuff when I wake up. My mind seems fogged up, yet completely clear at the same time. I'm dizzy, yet stable. Life is always a bit dimmer and slightly more queer. I usually realize how bland this world is, (As if I didn't already know that...) and that I'll probably die if I live the same life as millions of other people. The "white picket fence, 9-5 job" life style is more like a nightmare than a life to me.

I guess it make me driven to make my life more than I myself am capable of doing. It makes me strive to prove "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me."

Ever since I was a wee girl of some small age, I've always done 3 things:

1. Created stories. Any kind of stories. I hated writing at the time, so my friends and I would put together stories (like so many other little girls) and we'd act them out. And as I've grown up I've never stopped creating scenarios and characters. Of course my ways of doing it have matured and gone through stages. I've gone from plays, to film, to books. But what I do and my mind set towards it has never changed.

2. Sing/perform. I ALWAYS loved singing and performing. I still remember the first time my daddy let me get my grubby little 5-year-old-hands on his guitar. I, of course, had no idea how to even begin to go about playing the darn thing (I wasn't a very smart child... Never have been) So I looped the guitar strap around my neck (I remember it being huge compared to my tiny self) and aimlessly strummed away. I didn't care if it sounded like someone was strangling our cat in the back yard, I loved just simply holding the thing. Needless to say, the song I wrote never made it onto the top 10 on iTunes. But that's ok.

3. Travel. Traveling has always been a yearly thing for my family. I thought it so magical that we could get into a plane or car and travel for a few hours, then end up in a completely different place than where we were. With different people, paces, accents, views... I just loved it.

All that said, I have/always had an impeccably dreamy state of mind. And it never left me. Reality? Pshhh! Who needs it? But lately as I've started to really grow up and explore the world, be consumed by school, and have emotional tax put on me, that mind set has started fading. The world has gotten to me and the inspiration to write, do music, and imagine the world differently has slowly started decreasing. Making me not believe I'm capable of being a writer, a musician, or anything else God has given me a love for. Making me think that maybe I will end up living the life I dread.

But that's where dreams and the inspiration of them comes in. That "tasting freedom then being thrown back into reality" thing rekindles the dreamy, child eyes I've always had and will always have for years to come. God is going to use it, and that I'm sure of. So I'm going to strive to not let the world seep through my cracks and get to me.

Think about it.

Think about it.

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